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“God, do you exist at all?.. I would even hint… However, even if You are not there, I will love You… even if You are a fiction, I will love You, because You are the coolest in the world fiction, because You are the best fiction in the world! And even when You lied to me, I convinced myself that it was not You, not You, but someone else ... well, maybe Your crappy deputy: understand? .. " Who are we, if not spermatozoa, which were lucky not to die? - this is the pathos of an unusual novel by the famous writer Natalya Rubanova, whose work is often called marginal and countercultural. The novel is based on a melodramatic story of the relationship between a smart, talented woman, Sana, and a married man. The pendulum of their love swings now towards happiness, now towards despair, but they cannot live without each other - and this is the fate of their destinies...